Edufresh: Home Learning Study STD 7 materials video DD Girnar/Diksha portal video

Home Learning Study STD 7 materials video DD Girnar/Diksha portal video As soon as we flew back from South Africa I had to rehearse intensively for my appearance at the Horse of the Year Show in early October. I only had two weeks to prepare when ideally I would have liked at least two months! But I hadn’t been able to ride for over six weeks after my surgery, plus we’d had the South Africa trip. It was a lot of pressure because I had a dressage piece along with two other riders to learn from scratch. Admittedly I wasn’t competing, as this was only a showcase, but it would still be a test of my riding abilities and I would be judged on it. Of course, I only had myself to blame as it had been my idea in the first place. We were doing a stand for my KP Equestrian range and a signing at the Horse of the Year Show and I had suggested that I perform a dressage showcase. I wanted to prove that I was a serious rider who was passionate about the sport. But now, as time was so tight, I was almost regretting my big mouth!

I chose the music for the piece, and included the track ‘Mysterious Girl’ as I wanted Pete to feel included. I even asked him if he wanted to come and sing live while I performed. The event was going to be live on SKY and I thought it would be a good opportunity for both of us to show off what we could do. I knew Pete was dying to perform his music live. OK, it was a song that he had sung many, many times over the years and he wanted to move away from it, but it was still a chance to sing live. And after our time away in South Africa, I thought this would be a great opportunity for us to work together, to show that we supported each other, and to hold on to that closeness that we’d rediscovered. But Pete didn’t want to perform the song.

I don’t think he realised what a huge event this was in the horse world – it was the biggest show of the year and so it was a big deal that I was going to perform there. To me this was like a dream come true – it’s what every rider dreams of doing. It was one of those moments when you wish you could meet your teenage self and say, ‘Just look what I’m doing now! Can you believe it?’ I had to go to the stables every day, often twice a day, to practise my routine for hours at a time. Sometimes I would have to go in the evening because I was working during the day. I had to rehearse with Andrew and with another rider called Henry Boswell, who were both performing the showcase with me. Our timing had to be spot on – there was no margin for error. But while I was happy to be working on this routine and getting it as near-perfect as I could, back home it was a return to the tense atmosphere. I hated things becoming like this again when we had been getting on so well together.

I was feeling hurt and worn down by the constant rows, getting sick and tired of living like this. There was no fun or sparkle in my life. If it wasn’t for my riding I don’t know what I would have done. It was my one escape. The only chance I had to be me.

And the press were yet again saying that we were splitting up. They were full of stories saying that I was being cruel to Pete, mocking his music, putting him down . . . but that was all complete crap. We were still convinced that someone close to us was selling stories to the press, but we didn’t know who. All these things piled on the pressure.

But I was given a boost when the organisers of the Horse of the Year Show told me that they had sold out of tickets for my showcase. Dressage rarely features in the press so I felt I was helping raise its profile and showing that it didn’t matter what background you came from, you could still be a good rider. All my family and friends supported me whole-heartedly and were proud of me, but I was still getting that negative vibe from Pete.

I travelled up to Birmingham the night before the show with my very own support entourage of my mum, dad, sister, Gary, Phil, Michelle and Jamela. I’d wanted Pete to come up with us too, but he didn’t. I don’t know why.

Although he did drive up on his own the following day, I can’t say the atmosphere was any better between us. Then it was time for my big moment: the showcase. Both Andrew and Henry are exceptionally talented and experienced riders, and I will most likely never reach anything like their standard, but I was determined to do my best. I did feel extremely nervous before I went out into the arena on Jordan’s Glamour Girl. It was packed with some eight thousand people – not that I knew that then, I found out later – and there was a great sense of anticipation and excitement coming from the audience. It was the first time I had ever performed a dressage showcase and it was the first time for my horse as well. I had no idea how she would react in front of the crowds. Initially she played up a little and I had to really fight to get her under control. She is sixteen hands three inches which, take it from me, is big, but I managed and I think people respected me for that.

Our routine was five minutes long, which doesn’t sound much but, believe me, feels like for ever when you’re in front of thousands and are being filmed and going out on live TV. But it went well and I got great feedback from the crowd, who seemed to love it. I knew my performance wasn’t perfect but I was still proud of it. I’d only been learning dressage for six months. To me, performing a showcase at the Horse of the Year Show felt like one of my biggest achievements ever. Though I don’t just want to do showcases, I want to compete too. I know that I am never going to be a top dressage rider – I would have to dedicate my whole life to it, which I can’t do, and I would be fooling myself if I thought I could ever be the best as there are some amazing riders out there who have been doing it most of their lives. So reports that I was going to be in the Olympic team were wildly exaggerated! But I do want to compete, just for myself, to see how much I can improve. And I can’t wait for the day when Junior and Princess compete in horse shows – I will be the proudest mum there!

After the showcase I had lots of press interviews to do, not just with the tabloids but also the broadsheets, and the following day there was really positive coverage about the event. I had made all the nationals and the organisers were very pleased. So pleased that they asked me to perform in the finale on Sunday. Whether people liked me or not, I felt they should at least be pleased that I was bringing dressage to public attention because usually it is overlooked. I did come in for a bit of stick for wearing a glittery jacket and my full glamour girl make-up, but I wasn’t competing so I felt I could. At least I was wearing dark colours. The organisers should count themselves lucky I didn’t come out wearing pink! After the Horse of the Year I received lots of offers to do other showcases but I don’t want to be seen by people in the horse world as someone who just performs showcases. I want to compete alongside everyone else.

I had hoped that Pete would be pleased by my success. After my performance and interviews we all went to get something to eat. There was large group of my friends and family, plus Andrew and Polly and Henry and his girlfriend. This should have been a chance for us to celebrate together, but as Pete and I weren’t getting on it put a downer on the occasion. It had been such a big achievement for me, and I’d got such a buzz from it, but as soon as I saw Pete looking so moody, I thought, ‘Fuck, why can’t we just celebrate my success?’ I felt so angry.

I ended up turning to him and saying, ‘You may as well go if you’re just going to sit here and be negative.’ I didn’t want him to but he was bringing me down and ruining what should have been a fantastic experience. To me, appearing on Horse of the Year had been brilliant. I had loved it and felt on such a high. Why couldn’t Pete get that? Unfortunately he took me at my word and ended up leaving. What the hell was happening to my marriage?

After he left I had to get on with the signing for my equestrian range. It was actually a relief that Pete wasn’t around any more. I’m afraid more and more of my marriage had become like this. There were still good days but there were many bad days. All too often Pete and I would be having a go at each other. At one point I noticed that my dad and Nicola had left and wondered where they had gone but thought no more about it. The signing went well. As ever it was great meeting my fans. Then I happened to check my phone and discovered a text from Pete that really worried me. He didn’t sound like himself at all.

Then Mum told me that he had suffered a panic attack on the way home, and that my dad and Nicola had had to pick him up and drive him home as he was in such a bad state he wasn’t able to drive himself. Pete had suffered from panic attacks in the past before I had met him, and when he was recovering from meningitis he had suffered from them again. I’ve suffered from them myself in the past and know how frightening and overwhelming they are. I felt terrible because I had told him to go. I’d had no idea that this was going to happen. I phoned Pete but he couldn’t answer as he was still in such an emotional state. So I texted him to tell him that I was sorry about the attack, that I loved him and I wanted our marriage to work out. That was what I always said to him throughout this time. I just wanted him to realise how much we had going for us – we had a great life together, beautiful children, we lived in a big house, we were so lucky. We had everything we wanted, didn’t we?

It was during the autumn of 2008 that I noticed a change in Pete, which all my friends and family commented on as well. He seemed to have a new air of confidence about him. By then he knew that he was going to record his album in LA in the New Year and was very focussed on that. He began working out regularly at a gym – we had already signed up to do the London Marathon the following April. He also started getting in contact with his old friends again, including some of the dancers he had worked with in the past, and would invite them over to the house. I was fine about having people over, but it was quite a change for him as he hadn’t asked them over before. Then he started to go out a little more at night, which was very uncharacteristic of him. He even went clubbing once or twice and he’d always claimed he hated clubbing. It felt to me as if he was saying, ‘It’s my turn to be in the spotlight now, Kate, so step back.’ And while I wanted him to do well with his music, I couldn’t help feeling that he wasn’t being very nice about it. He just wasn’t being the Pete I knew – the one who was such a lovely, open and easy-going guy.

I was starting to feel by then that we had lost some of the spark between us. And it was so sad. I couldn’t help feeling that we were growing apart and I hated it. I felt that we no longer had the closeness we’d always shared. I would know that when I came home after work and walked in the door, Pete wouldn’t look pleased to see me and my heart would sink. You want to come back to a happy home, don’t you? Not a miserable one.

But however bad things got between us, I never considered walking out on him – I really did want us to try and make it work. I would only have considered ending our marriage if he was unfaithful or if he walked out on me.